Tony, Tony, Tony. How can we miss you if you won’t go away?
Two years ago you overshadowed poor Spider-Man’s big Homecoming to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, with your Siri spider-smartsuits and your armored alter ego showing up even when you weren’t inside.
Now Spidey is Far From Home — and, Endgame spoiler alert, you’re even further away, being dead and buried — but, like a full-tilt diva wanting flowers and parades, you’re still hard at work making it all about you.
“Even Dead I’m The Hero.” EDITH for short. That’s literally what you named the new gizmo you designed for Peter in the event of your demise.
After seven years dominated by Thanos’ scavenger hunt, the Infinity Stones are gone, so we need a new McGuffin — and, wouldn’t you know it, it’s Stark tech. You saved the world a bunch of times, Tony, but did it occur to you that you endangered it at least as often?
Sure, you created the Vision and stopped Ultron … whom, you know, you also created. Without your irresponsibility and/or callous indifference to people around you, you would have had no one to fight in your three solo films. Ironmonger, Whiplash and the Extremis/Mandarin threat were all in some measure your fault.
Not only that, you helped to create the villain in Homecoming, Michael Keaton’s Vulture — and I’m not saying you’ve done it again in Far From Home, but I’m not saying you haven’t either. Once again I’m reminded of Homer Simpson’s oxymoronic toast to alcohol: “the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
The bottom line, Tony, is that when I enjoyed Spider-Man: Far From Home — and I think I enjoyed it more than Homecoming — it’s in spite of you, not because of you. There’s a reason you were so beloved for so long, but, honestly, as much as I hate to say it, I’m glad you’re gone. You’ve been sucking up all the oxygen in the room for too long.
Copyright © 2000– Steven D. Greydanus. All rights reserved.